The Divine Union of Masculine and Feminine

Last year, I went to a speaking engagement. It was in a small venue, a little pottery studio in Baltimore City. The four authors who were speaking were all women and three of them had their husbands there to support them. I was touched by the gentle way the men participated in the event, occasionally sharing their thoughts while at the same time holding space for their wives to shine in their event. The men seemed comfortable allowing their vulnerability and listening with intent to the discussion. It was beautiful to witness.

My husband lives in a house with three women, myself and our two teenage daughters. Through the years, he has learned more about Barbies, Disney Princesses, and American Girl Dolls than he ever imagined he would. Growing up the middle son of three boys and a part of a large group of guy friends, this world of hair products, bras and tampons is foreign to him. And yet, he carefully holds this space for us. He is supportive of all of our endeavors and nurtures us through our perimenopause and puberty induced mood swings.  He is our greatest supporter and beams with pride at our strength and courage. Tony’s openness and constant gentle support are beautiful to feel.

So much has been said in recent years about the uprising of feminine energy. We see it on a global scale and we also see it in our individual lives. More and more, women are gathering together to support each other in speaking their truth. More and more the qualities of compassion, gentleness, beauty, nurturing, and intuition are being shared and honored by both men and women. We are beginning to balance the scale that was so heavily tipped in the favor of masculine energy for so very long.

In thinking about my own life, I realize that I too have been tipping the scale towards my masculine energy. I am very practiced at taking action, making decisions, putting things into motion and crossing things off my list. I am really good at getting it done and even better at pushing myself and others for the sake of achievement. However, what has been emerging in me in recent years is this glorious energy of allowing of what is. It is a gentle and slow movement so I can appreciate the process as much as or even more than the product. It is an unconditional and judgement free love for myself and others. It has been life changing and so very beautiful to embody.

Those moments when I speak with gentleness, when I compassionately respond to tears, when I am open to being a safe harbor for others, I am embodying the feminine. When I come up with a creative  idea or “go with the flow” of the day, I am embodying the feminine. When I watch my husband hold space while my daughters work out a conflict, I know I am a witness to the power of the feminine.

Knowing that the divine union of masculine and feminine is awakening on our planet helps me to stay centered while the world around me shakes and sheds its old ways. Staying focused on keeping that divine balance of masculine doing and feminine being within myself is my heart’s desire. Together, one person at a time, we are creating a worldwide evolution. And so it is.

I am a Beginner

We are all beginners every single day: beginners at this day, this moment, this situation. Even though I have been around for over 48 years, each experience I have takes me through a state of unknowing and then learning.

I remember back to when I was a new mom. I had lots of ideas about how motherhood was going to go. I had read the books, listened to the mom stories, and had experience working with children, so I felt pretty capable of taking care of my little one. Little did I know that I would be majorly exhausted while intense hormones floated throughout my overworked body and responsible for this tiny being who needed me 24/7. Even though I was on a high at finally having the precious child that I so desired, I was also anxious about everything and constantly wondering whether I was doing it right. How do I lay her down—on her back, on her side, on her stomach? What did that last article about SIDS say? Do I transition her to her crib or should she sleep in our bed? Maybe if I stayed up all night watching her breathe, that would be best. And why was breastfeeding hurting so much? Is formula really all that bad? Shit, how did my friend with twins do this? The fears and questions were endless.

Fast forward….potty training, child care, getting back into the work force, cooking healthy dinners, picking a school, having “the” talk, navigating social media, and all the days following the one where she gets her license. All of these are filled with new fears, new experiences and new ways of being.

How do you know what is really best for your child? And if you have more than one, how do you know if the decision you made for your oldest is the best one for your middle or youngest?

The idea of being a beginner has brought me peace on many occasions.

I remember when my older daughter, Maya, began potty training. Things weren’t going so well so I started to do some research. I had heard stories of how some parents had potty trained their children in one day. It sounded possible with enough preparation so when Maya was two years old, I set out to potty train her.

I got the big girl underwear, little potty, books for her to read while on the potty and set a whole day aside for the big event. Maya loved the idea of her big girl underwear (Dora the Explorer and Disney Princesses of course). She seemed excited to start. After her first accident, I decided to have her try going potty each hour prepared to profusely praise her when she did. After a few minutes, she had another accident. She sat on the potty again. After a few minutes of silence, she hopped off, newly adorned with another pair of big girl panties. About a half an hour later, she was doing the pee pee dance and I asked her if she wanted to try the potty because it looked like she needed to go. “Nope”, she said and less than a minute later, I saw the pee running down her leg. This is how it went all day.

I became more and more frustrated and she became less and less interested. In subsequent days, we tried all kinds of enticements to make the potty more attractive to her–stickers, M&Ms, whatever would work. It was no go–literally.

Seeing that my anger was building up with each passing day, I knew I needed to take a step back. I was taking this much too seriously! I wasn’t going to control when she let it flow. She was the one who would be winning all of these power struggles.

It wasn’t until I reminded myself that “I am a beginner” that I found peace. I was a beginner at potty training toddlers. I was a beginner at knowing what would be best to help Maya learn this skill. So, as a beginner, what did I choose to do? I chose to be gentle on myself and on Maya. I encouraged more of a dialogue with her about the process and let the feelings of anger and frustration that bubbled up flow through me and out with a huge exhalation of trust. Once I began to loosen my grip and embrace my beginner status, things started to shift. I let Maya lead the process. At 14, she is potty trained. So is her 13 year old sister.  🙂